Doctors

Grandpa becomes very agitated whenever a doctor calls. His agitation is due in part to worry about Grandma’s health but also in part to simply trying to understand what is going on. He is agitated that he might not understand what is happening, and anyone would want to know what is happening to their wife.

Soon as Grandpa learns that the call is from a doctor he totters on over to watch Grandma talk on the phone, prepared to start asking questions as soon as she hangs up. Asking who it was, what they wanted, and what is going to happen–asking all those questions once is no problem at all. But, of course, once isn’t enough. To here the answer once doesn’t inscribe it on Grandpa’s brain. He will ask once, then ask again five minutes later, then ask again ten minutes later, then ask again another fifteen minutes later, then ask again a half hour after that, then an hour . . . the whole rest of the day he will be intermittently re-asking about what the doctor called about, what they said, and what is going to happen. Do we need to do anything? Is there anything that needs to be prepared?

Change, and things that need to be done, greatly unsettle Grandpa. Bills should be paid instantly, and doctors that require things are a source of consternation. Any day a doctor calls is a day where I will be repeatedly explaining to Grandpa what will be done, what day it will be done, and no, nothing needs to be done today. Everything is taken care of, all set, and put in order. (Satisfied for another two hours and then once again . . .) I admit that even I begin to weary of this. At least in the course of a normal day Grandpa’s source of agitation changes so that I am not repeating the same thing over and over again, but on these days it is like I become a broken record.

After the day of the phone call Grandpa settles down to a reasonable level of questioning, asking maybe once a day “When does Ma have the doctor’s appointment?” As I said, I think the air of uncertainty is what primarily gets him agitated, though certainly also his concern over Grandma’s well being. But I sometimes wonder if his repeated question doesn’t also serve the secondary purpose of actually getting the fact that Grandma has an procedure upcoming to permanently stick in his mind. There may be some part of him that subconsciously recognizes that he might not remember, so he questions and questions until the facts are settled a little deeper in his mind. For you or I a single question gives us an answer and we file the information away. Grandpa needs repeated filing if he wants to find it again.